The Fiery Journey from Corporate to Entrepreneurship

Having spent almost half of my time on this earth working for The Man, I had finally built up enough courage to go out on my own. Growing up in a small rural town in upstate New York, I knew I had to get out. I knew that if I wanted more, I would have to find a way to land that "big" job that would propel me to somewhere else. Somewhere new. Somewhere different. Somewhere bigger. I hustled. I hustled to get myself out of ESL. I hustled to graduated top of my high school class. I hustled to get into a top university. I hustled to graduate with honors and a dual degree. I hustled to get an internship at one of the top companies in the world. I hustled to get a full time position with said company that allowed me to move closer to New York City. After hustling for almost 10 years I got to my promised land - New York City.

The first couple of years working for a big corporation was exciting. It was exhilarating. I was traveling the US on company dime, staying at high-end hotels and dining out Monday through Thursday. Those were some of the most fulfilling, eye-opening and hungover weekdays I've ever experienced. I basqued in the excitement and allure of it all, but like all great things, those times would come to an end. Company budgets tightened, flying cross-country weekly became draining and being in a new relationship I started to yearn for normalcy. You know, the long commute to an office, home around 7pm, dinner, laundry and living for the weekend. There was something about the simplicity of a normalized 9 to 5 that intrigued me. So, after a couple of years as a road warrior, I settled down and took a job in the financial district. Slowly, things started to change. I started to change.

As a young girl, I would watch movies which showed typically a man, in a power suit, sitting in a plush office chair in a corner office. The office was adorned with floor to ceiling windows. Pictures of his family, sports memorabilia and his framed diploma adorned his office. As you glanced through the windows, you were greeted with views of other high-rise buildings, including the Empire State building. That was my dream. My dream was to some day work in the same building, the same office as depicted in the movies. I wanted to be that man, but in female form. It had to be possible and the only way I knew how was to study hard and work even harder. Eventually, there I was, 25 years old, sitting at my desk overlooking Lady Liberty! To many outsiders, I'd made it. I'm living my dream. Everything that I wanted as a young girl I had achieved. That same young girl who sat in ESL daydreaming of what it would be like walking through the bustling streets of NYC to work. I had made it, but did I?

Yes, I was making a big salary, but for anyone who lives in NYC you know that whatever you make is never enough. Yes, I had found my soulmate and gotten married. Yes, I had managed to scrounge together a downpayment and bought my first apartment across the Hudson River. I managed to do all this before turning 30. Pretty neat, hmm? The issue was that I still wasn't happy. I couldn't understand why. I had everything that I'd ever wanted or so I thought. As the years went by, I had become singularly focused on making money and ascending the corporate ladder. I was eager. I was hungry. Then, life hit me like a freight train going 200 miles per hour. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and suddenly, everything I had been working towards became trivial. Suddenly, I realized that life was too short to be selling myself short.

I knew I was unfilled since I had more hobbies than a professional hobbiest. I had dabbled in acrylic painting and even enrolled in FIT to help hone my technique. I tried fashion design, but operating a sewing machine just wasn't in my patience wheelhouse. I created companies, sold products, but after a few months I would abandon each idea because I lost interest or my full-time job would become all consuming. I was constantly looking for a creative outlet. For something else. I just didn't know what that something else, was. What it looked like. Then on the wake of me turning 35, it became clear that where I was, what I was doing no longer served me. So, I left the stability of my 9 to 5 to create my own company. It was hella scary making that transition. It was even more petrifying since COVID had decided to join me on this new chapter of life. The day after my last day in the office, NYC shut down and then the entire world went into lockdown. I panicked. What had I done? How could I have been so foolish? Why? Why couldn't I've just been happy? Wasn't what I had what I always wanted? Why was I being ungrateful? Why did I want more? Was this the world's way of punishing me? Would I squander everything I worked so hard for in search of nothing?

These questions plagued me for weeks, which turned into months. It was too late to turn back. Of course I could've gotten another corporate job, but I knew I needed to feed this energy that was pulling me somewhere else. My entry into entrepreneurship was hard. It was cruel. It was lonely. It was dark. Launching a business in the midst of COVID takes a certain of degree of craziness and guts, but for me, I saw no other option. I had to stay the course. Was this my calling? Was this the solution? Maybe. The stress of owning my own business at times was debilitating. The constant pressure of having to make sales, secure contracts, make rent and pay all your vendors was unnerving. When I got a big contract, it was exhilarating. When the store was slow and I made one $5 sale in four hours it was deflating. The highs and lows were so extreme and there was no reprieve from the rollercoaster of owning a small business. I began to question my decision even further. What was I doing? Where was this going? Was this better than working in corporate? Before I could really process any of these thoughts, everything went up in flames. Literally!

After spending two years creating, building, nourishing and stressing over how I'd build a million dollar chocolate empire, everything burnt down. The building where my production facility was located went up in flames two days before Christmas. Thanks Scrooge! With that everything I had worked tirelessly to create went poof! Suddenly, I was back to square one. Suddenly, I was that girl who had nothing. Suddenly, I was that girl only with an idea. Suddenly, I was given a second chance.

It's been effing insane the past two years. At times what has happened seems almost implausible. It's so crazy, so out there, that if I weren't living it, I wouldn't believe it. But, with everything shitty that happens there is sometimes a silver lining. Sometimes that lining is so thin, so hidden, so bent, that it's hard to see amongst the chaos, but it's there. After living through what I'd like to call four different versions of myself in two years, I'm still here. I'm still standing. I'm stronger.

Shitty things are bound to happen. It's just part of life. For some of us, like myself, shitty things tend to happen more often to us than to most, but I learned to shift my perspective. I like to think the reason why we've endured so much is because we're pushing the limits. We're going out there. We're creating. We're not settling. We're taking risks.

If every day, ever week, every month, every year was drama free, then are you even living? Are you taking chances? Are you listening to that little voice deep inside of you who's asking for more? Are you exploring your curiosity? Are you making room for what you envision as the future you? Are you giving complacency the middle finger?

If you are, then you sure as heck have faced some degree of adversity, setback, drama and probably have had a minor breakdown. But like fine china, you won't shatter. Yes, you may get a chip or two, or maybe even break into large chunks with enough pressure. But guess what? You can glue yourself back together and those cracks will become your scars. The scars of a life well lived. Scars that will turn into character. Character that will differentiate you from those around you. Character that will make you distinguishable, unforgettable and most of all, unstoppable!

So, if you're thinking of making a change I'm here to tell you DO IT! It's gonna suck. It's gonna be tough. There will be days where you will question yourself and the universe. You'll wonder if there's even a God (heck, if you're not religious you get the gist). You'll be scared. You'll face challenges. But you're hella strong! You'll endure. You'll persevere and I promise you, you will grow and be stronger in ways you never imagined! And if you fail?! So what? Did you know that most people never even get the chance to fail? Why? Because they're too afraid to try! If you're like me, I'd rather fail then always wonder "what if?" Yes, living in the land of potential is comforting for our ego, but potential is abstract. Doing is real. Try. Fail. Learn. Get back up. Keep going. You'll find your nirvana, you just have to be willing to try!