How many times have you thought you weren't good enough? How many times have you second guessed your life choices? How many times have you compared yourself with a peer and thought you deserved that promotion more than they did? I'm sure we can all think of a time and place where at least one of these thoughts have creeped to the forefront. If you're like me, all of these thoughts have flooded my mind, some all at once. When this tsunami of negative emotions barges in, it can feel extremely overwhelming, frustrating and even suffocating. Suddenly, you begin to doubt your sheer existence and your confidence sails away into the depths of despair.
As someone who was a firm believer that your work should speak for itself, I didn't think it was necessary to talk about what I've done. The proof was in the pudding...or however that old saying went. I used to think self-promotion was for those who were trying to compensate for something. That they needed to talk about their accomplishments ad nauseam so that no one would question their abilities and capabilities. I hated it and I hated being in the same room with these individuals. The problem is that I was wrong. I was soo soo very wrong!
Having spent years in corporate trying to climb the elusive corporate ladder, I used to get so upset when I was passed up for a promotion. The rationales were usually along the following lines:
"It just wasn't my time yet."
"There were only two promotion slots."
"X person was in front of you. They've been waiting for this promotion much longer than you."
"You need to continue to perform at that next level for longer."
"Next year for sure..."
Then the dreaded, "You need to make yourself more visible."
I'm sure many of you have heard some of these reasonings before. If you haven't then congrats! That means you're taking control of your narrative. I had qualms with each of these issues. The first is that none of them were quantifiable. How can I add a deliverable to any of these items? They're not constructive. They're not measurable. How can I change the timing? How can I create additional promotion slots? How can I fast forward to the following year? How could I make myself more known if opportunities didn't present themselves? Why do I need to prove that I can perform at a higher level for extended periods of time, as opposed to the outside candidate that they've just gambled on for a similar role? I couldn't understand why an internal candidate would be held to such higher standards than Joe who was hired from the streets with a shiny resume.
I spent the bulk of my career agonizing why it wasn't my turn. I kept receiving rave reviews and high performance marks, but yet it seemed as though I was moving at the pace of molasses. Yes, I'm impatient, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that the "system" was flawed. The promotion system was plagued with vagueness and favoritism. Then, I realized that I was thinking about it all wrong. The problem wasn't the system. The problem was ME.
As someone who doesn't like to boast, I found it difficult to talk about myself. I struggled with communicating what I was working on and the value that I brought to my team and the organization as a whole. I was so busy working, trying to ensure that I delivered all my projects on time and that nothing slipped, that I overlooked the single most important thing - Myself. I forgot to self-promote. I became too busy with the actual work and failed to prioritize myself and where I wanted my career to go. I thought that my manager and others would vouch for me. That they'd help "sell me" as the right candidate for that next role. That they'd push my name to the front of the queue. That they'd scream from the rooftop why I was so deserving of this promotion. Sometimes they did and I'd get promoted. The other times, I was met with one of the aforementioned rationales and left feeling "pissed off" and stuck. I'm sure the majority of my previous managers had good intentions, but the reality is that no one will fight as hard for you than YOU. Also, people (managers or not) will only push so far. They'll only fight for someone else to the point where their own status wouldn't be jeopardized. I get it... but did I?
I couldn't understand that despite crushing it in my role, I still wasn't getting what I thought I deserved. Over the years, these feelings of inadequacy started to spill into my personal life. I began to second guess my abilities. My worth. My value. My competencies. Then after I made the leap into entrepreneurship, I realized that I had been looking at the promotion system from the wrong viewpoint.
The reality is that it didn't matter as much what I did or even how well I did something, but who I knew. Corporate life and entrepreneurship converge on a key single point, the art of selling. Selling is the key to success.
Selling YOURSELF is the key to getting that next job, promotion or even finding your soulmate. It's allocating time to meet and greet with people. It's going above and beyond to get to know others, especially those in the sphere of influence. You need to make yourself memorable. You need to make yourself known. You need to make it impossible for someone to forget you.
It's not your manager or your manager's manager responsibility to get you promoted (although there are some managers out there who will fight till sundown for their people, but those are unicorns). For the vast majority of us, we feel victimized, but the reality is that we have the power to create own destiny.
So, next time a colleague gets a promotion that you don't think they're deserving of. Stop! Take a moment and instead of getting angry and asking "why them and not me", refrain your mindset. Take a moment and reflect on what they did to get that promotion and what you didn't. One thing will be for certain, you'll find that this individual built allies with those who have a seat in the sphere of influence. It doesn't necessarily mean that they were more qualified for that promotion than you, but they played the game... and they played it well. Take a look at who they've been interacting with. You'll probably subconsciously realize that suddenly you've started seeing and hearing their name everywhere. Very rarely does someone climb to the top of the corporate ladder just by working hard. Work alone will only get you so far. Instead, networking will take you the extra distance. On the other-hand, sometimes you just need to let go. If you've exhausted yourself trying to prove your worth to a role, a job, a career, a company, a relationship, then maybe it's just time to let go. Bid adios to what's not serving you and seek out your tribe. Go out there and be your biggest, bestest, brightest and bada$$ salesperson the world has ever seen. If you can't sell yourself then how can you expect others to do so on your behalf? If you're stuck and don't know where to start, here's a fun and simple exercise that I've created:
Find a mirror (preferably, the bathroom mirror, since it's a great place to find solace). Then, look in the mirror. Really look in the mirror and start telling your reflection about YOU.
What you do?
What you offer?
What you've accomplished?
What you're proud of?
What makes you happy?
Where you want your career to go?
Ask for what you want! Yes, this will feel odd and utterly silly, but trust me, this will help give you the strength and confidence to make waves. Suddenly, you'll be a walking billboard of all your awesomeness which no one will be able to overlook again. Sell the greatness that is YOU like your life depended on it, because guess what? Your life does depend on it. We only get one chance at this game called life, so why not take full advantage of all the awesomeness that it has to offer. Go on now, take that long steamy shower and when the mirror is all fogged up, wipe it away with your hand and start telling the story of YOU to YOU!
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