Have you ever embarked on a journey that now seems impossible? A journey that at once you were excited about? A journey that at first seemed easy, with a clear path. A journey that seemed manageable? A journey that you were confident you'd make it to the finish line? Then, suddenly that journey has become blurred? If so, then congrats you're human. Double congrats if that journey terrified you. That means you're living. You're taking risks. You're exploring new depths. You're evolving. You're growing.
The past few years have been rough. I know I say that often, but holly sh!tt, it's been harder than I could've EVER imagined. Not just hard, but exhausting. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm running on fumes. Despite how much "time off" or sleep I get, it's never enough. I'm in a fog of worry. A fog of anxiety. A fog of wonder. Silly me, for thinking that my road into entrepunership would've been easy. Nothing has been easy for me. On the contrary, challenges and obscene obstacles are mainstream in my life. But, that's okay. I've learned to accept and anticipate them. The issue is that I'm starting to lose belief. As a founder, your belief in the company, on what you're setting out to do is imperative. There is no company. There is no future without you being fully present. Fully available. Fully in.
My confidence is at an all time high, but my emotions are at an all time low. There are moments I know I can conquer the world. While others, I feel like a speck of dust in this giant world, just floating around without a destination. Some days are better than others. Maybe it's the weather? Maybe it's because it's dark at 4:30pm or maybe, just maybe, it's me.
Since I was young, I always wanted people to see me. To acknowledge me. To praise me. Maybe there's some childhood neglect there. Who knows? I also didn't realize that the same ego that keeps me going, is the same ego that constantly needs feeding. My ego is never fulfilled. It always needs more. More praise. More accolades. More, more and more. My ego is also petrified of failing. It hates feeling as though it was wrong. That maybe a decision (or many) were wrong. My ego has a hard time accepting that it may btime to walk away. To make a change. To veer direction. The problem is, where do we go?
When I first set out to start my own chocolate company, I didn't have a plan. I had a vague idea of where I wanted to go, but no coherent plan. Why plan, if things are definitely going to go astray? Why bother? Keep it nimble. Keep it fluid. That was my motto. This low-plan, high-reward program worked for a while but then it went crashing when my business burnt down. Suddenly, all my blinders were removed. Many people, who I admired, that I thought was on my side, suddenly vanished. On to the next new shiny thing and guess what? That new shiny thing, wasn't me. At least not YET.
As I struggle to figure out where to go from here. What are the next steps? Do I keep rebuilding or do I just walk away? When is enough, ENOUGH? These are questions I ask myself daily. What is the type of life I want to live? Who do I want to be? I know these are heavy questions, but I need to find a way to answer them. I'm not a victim of my circumstances. I'm in control of where I go next and how I choose to feel.
So, if you're having a moment, "a day, a week, a month or even a year..." queue Friends theme song. Know that you're not alone. We all face similar issue. Similar struggles. Some days are better than others and some days are fantastic! While others are just straight up crap. The shitty things will pass. They always do.
Stay positive. Keep grinding. Keep your head-up. Keep moving, even it means pivoting. Pivoting is not the same as failure. Pivoting is simply being strong enough to recognize that it's time to change. It's time to change course so you can have a different trajectory. Pivoting is vital.
Pivot.
Change.
Forward.
Comments