Do you have a friend, a family member or an acquittance that every time you see them you cringe? Are they constantly complaining about something? Are they always a Debby Downer? Are they always making themselves the center of attention? Do you leave feeling mentally exhausted after having spent even a few minutes with them? Well, good news is that you’re not alone. Bad news is that there’s a whole lot of Happiness Leeches around us!
Our happiness is one of the most important things and we need to preserve it all costs. We need to keep try and keep it safe, especially when you’re around a Happiness Leech. I have a few of these happiness suckers around me. A few years ago, I had a “friend”, we’ll call her Jane. Every time I had to hang out with Jane, I would start getting filled with anxiety. She was someone I didn’t like very much, since we had opposing views on so many things, the biggest one being life. She was someone who cared very little about others, was always on the hunt to put others down and make herself the center of every conversation or event. Her energy was always tainted. I’d known Jane for years since she ran in the same circle of friends. Jane was never wrong, she never took other people’s feelings into consideration and was just downright mean. I never understood why our mutual friends would keep inviting her to our outings, since they too didn’t care much for Jane, but somehow she was always there.
I used to spend countless hours lamenting as to why I had to go this event and why I still needed to socialize with Jane. Then, one day I realized that I didn’t have to keep letting Jane suck all the energy out of me. I couldn’t recall any recent positive interactions with her and the last few times I left feeling exhausted, deflated and enraged. So, I decided that something had to change, and that one thing would be me.
Jane had been set in her ways for too long. No one ever called her out on being the rude, obnoxious, self-centered, egotistical and just down right mean person. Jane was the person who when I did well on anything, from a college exam to a job promotion, she would have to interject that the reason I probably got that was because I must’ve cheated or that affirmative action was working in my favor. She would always try to dim my light and diminish any of my achievements. She was horrible and yet, I allowed her to continue to abuse my happiness.
Finally, I made a list of the pros and cons of keeping Jane in my life. Guess what, the only item on the Pro list was that “I avoid confrontation”. Was that the only thing she offered to me? It made me sad that I had endured her shittiness for all this time and angry at myself that I was too cowardly to take a stance.
Before cutting Jane out entirely from my life, I wanted to give her one more chance. I started to mull over all our interactions and began to doubt my feelings. Maybe she wasn’t that bad. Maybe I was overacting. Maybe I was being overly sensitive. Maybe I should just cut her more slack. Then, I saw Jane again at a friend’s house. She was in typical Jane fashion. Late, rude and obnoxious. After a few minutes, I pull Jane aside and say, “Hey Jane. I know we’ve known each other for a long time, but you’ve changed.” She gets defensive and says, “Of course I changed. We all change.” And that was my queue, “Well, guess the new you and new me just aren’t compatible anymore.” That was the last time we spoke.
I accepted the fact that Jane was just who she was and I was tired of having to pretend we got along. I no longer wanted to keep attending the same parties with Jane, so I decided to start declining invites. All our mutual friends echoed my sentiments about Jane, but none of them voiced them to her. At first I was angry that I was the only one taking a stance, but then I realized that everyone has to come to their own decision. Maybe not everyone felt as strongly about the negativity that Jane brought with her into the room. I refused to keep allowing her to take up so much space in my life. I have no ill wishes towards Jane, but I’m just much happier without her in my life.
It’s hard cutting someone out of your life. It’s even harder if they run in the same circle or are a family member. When you take a stance, other people will not like it. They’ll try to sway to just “let it go”. They’ll try to convince you that it’s not that serious. They’ll try to justify their behaviors and actions with the excuse that “That’s just how they are.” But why? Why do we need to accept people’s crappy behavior? Of course, it’s easier for everyone else for you to stay quiet and to not confront the Happiness Leech. But then everyone else is happy with your silence, except for you.
So if you have a Happiness Leech in your life, think about what they offer to you. Do you leave an interaction with them feeling happy or sad? Do they elevate you or do they bring you down and make you feel less? If the answer is the latter, then you need to let those people go. It doesn’t have to be forever, but until either they change or you can build a fortress around your energy. I once had a co-worker who was wise beyond his years. He was a survivor of the Chernobyl disaster (You know the nuclear meltdown in the former USSR where everyone and thing was contaminated with deadly levels of radiation). He saw things very black and white. He was analytical and never allowed emotions to cloud his judgment. One day, I was complaining to him about Jane and I’ll never forget what he said to me. With his calm and steady voice he says, “Jen, the friends and people in your life right now will change. You will make new friends and these same friends will be replaced. It’s part of life. It’s part of growing up.” Truer words couldn’t have been spoken by my KGB friend.
So protect your happiness and keep it safe. Don’t let those Happiness Leeches suck all the juice from your happiness pool. Keep your energy intact and cut those leeches off. Maybe they’ll come back into your life someday or maybe not. Regardless, what great loss would it be? Surround yourself with people who lift you up. With people that elevate your vibe. With people who you’re excited to see and spend time with. Find people who care about you and your feelings. Find your tribe! It’s hard to let go, but its necessary. Leeches are a parasite and they have no backbone (no, literally they don’t). So stop them from sucking your happiness dry!
As Smokey Bear would say, “ Only you can prevent forest fires.” So stop that metaphorical happiness leech fire from burning down your happiness forest.
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