How many times have you said to yourself, "I could totally do that, if only <insert thing that is stopping you>" Now, let's take this question a step forward. How many times have you said to yourself "I would, but <insert thing that is stopping you>"? That my friends is how I, and I assume 99.9% of the world's population live our lives. For the most part we all have dreams. We all want to achieve something. We all want to be something. However, the biggest deterrence to achieving what we want is ourselves.
Okay, hear me out. For a good portion of my adult life, I would always find some sort of excuse as to why I couldn't do something. Some of them were valid, but the majority of them were a mix of excuses and fear. Not fear of doing the actual thing, but fear of failing. Fear of being wrong. Fear of proving others right. Fear of knowing that maybe I can't. Fear of risking too much. Fear of losing. Fear of being ridiculed. Fear of being embarrassed. Fear of being "too much." Fear of not being enough. Fear, fear, fear and more fear!
For the vast majority of us, we imagine what being or doing the thing we dream off would be like. We envision what our life would be like, if only we were <insert what you'd be>. Richer, smarter, faster, stronger, taller, shorter, bigger, smaller, happier, luckier, etc. The list goes on and on.
When I was a young girl, I wanted to be an archeologist. I was obsessed with all things Egyptian. I even created my own hieroglyphic inspired language, with symbols aligned to the English alphabet. I would write in my diary in this new made-up language and form words. I kept a legend of my new language stashed away in my "top secret" box, in case I ever forgot what it meant, I was that kid! A little odd, but overly curious. I had no idea how far Egypt was and what you had to do to unearth the lost tomb of King Tut. For the most part, I thought I would spend countless hours digging through sand and then after a few months, I'd stumble upon a clay vessel that would lead way to the underground burial. Yeap, that's how it was in the movies and the documentaries. The only problem was that these same movies and documentaries never showed the process, in real-time, to what it took to find these hidden treasures. Young me assumed that if I went to college, majored in Archeology, I'd be whisked away to a dig site outside of Cairo and within a few weeks (max a couple of months) I'd be celebrated as the woman who discovered the missing city of ________ (I don't know what the city is called, since it's still missing and hasn't been found, duh.) Fast forward to teen me, I realize that there's A LOT more to unearthing lost cities and civilization. A whole lot more.
Most archeologists spend their entire lives fixated on one quest. One search. They spend their entire careers chasing the unknown. Digging. Undigging and more digging. They study. They read. They write. They explore. They're out in the elements. Buried treasures don't care if you're hot, cold or just downright miserable. They'll wait. They're patient. They've waited hundreds and some millions of years to be discovered, so why rush to appear for me? I had no idea how much perseverance, dedication and most of all patience it took to be an archeologist. So, I began dismissing my dream of becoming an archeologist because I lacked the patience. The truth is, I no longer wanted to become an archeologist because of the fear of not finding something of value. I know, my ego started young! The thought of spending my entire life in search of the unknown scared the living daylight out of me. The fear of spending all my good years in a dig site, sifting through sand and mud in hopes of finding a half broken piece of pottery. My fear of being seen as a failure to my own self-imposed grandiose self was too much to bare. I couldn't face that fear, so I let my dream go.
Then, after getting obsessed with COPS and all things murder shows, I pivoted. I wanted to become a lawyer. I wanted to be one of those badass women, always in a perfectly pressed suit, carrying my expensive leather briefcase filled with super confidential papers and walking into a courtroom like a boss. Yes, that was it. I'd become a lawyer. A lawyer is someone who is always respected, feared and can self-represent in case they get into trouble with the law. Parking violations, bye. Speeding tickets, who. You'd be untouchable. Plus, coming from a Latin family, doctors and lawyers are celebrated. I wanted to be celebrated. Then, I realized that in order to be a lawyer, I had to attend three more years of school AFTER doing four years of college. I'd have to take another standardized exam to dictate which school I was qualified enough to even apply to. I'd have to study. I'd have to pay for prep-courses. I'd then have to pay to actually attend law-school. How in God's earth would I find the time and money to do this? I couldn't find the answer to either. I needed to start making money asap. There was no way I could make money, study for the LSATS, score high enough and then pay for law school all with my first salaried job. Nope, just not humanly possible. But again, was it truly impossible?
The truth is that I was so eager to start earning money, that I didn't want to wait any longer. I didn't want to invest more time and money into my future potential. Instead, I took the highest paying job, in the most lucrative career possible right of college and surprise, that was in finance. I was afraid of going into debt. I was afraid of failing the LSAT. I was afraid of not getting into a top law school. I was afraid of not fitting in. I was afraid that I wasn't smart enough to be a lawyer. I was afraid I wouldn't cut it. I was afraid to amass a huge amount of debt and ruin my life. Again, fear won over. I could've moved back in with my parents, shared a room with my sister, taken out a student loan, commuted two hours each way to law school, taken a part-time job and made the sacrifices necessary to become a lawyer. But, I choose not to. I choose not to purse another dream because of fear and what I'd have to give up.
Fear has been the single constant emotion throughout my entire life. I'm fearless in so many ways, but deep down I'm so fearful of failing that I've struggled to try. I always dreamed of going to Harvard (I'm sure everyone has as well), but I never even applied. I never even tried. Why? Because I was afraid I wouldn't get in. I was afraid that I wasn't smart enough. To this day, I beat myself up for not trying. For at least filling out the college application, paying for the postage and adding my name to the thousands of hopeful freshmen. I'll never know and I only have myself to blame... and my archnemesis, fear.
After passing on most of my dreams, I decided it was time to confront reality. It was time for me to go out there and try. It was time for me to take the risks needed to find out the truth. If I couldn't do it. If I couldn't get in. If I failed. So, what? At least I'll know and more importantly, I would no longer be living in the land of potential.
The land of potential is where our ego likes to live. It's comfortable there. It thrives there. It has everything it needs to feel fulfilled. It gets the satisfaction of wanting something, but the ease of never having to actually try. Our ego is a fragile being. It likes to be inflated, caressed and it enjoys being safe. Our ego at times leads us to do things to prove others wrong or simply because we feel as though we must, but that'll only happen a handful of times. The majority of the time, our ego is just chilling and saying things like:
"Yeap, I would totally crush that, if only <_________>"
"Ah! I could lift wayyy more that that dude, if only <I hadn't pulled my back.>"
"I definitely would've gotten that job, if only <I wasn't hung over from partying last night during the interview.>
"I would've won lotto, if only <I would've played.>"
Our ego is more like excuses headquarters. Ego gets in the way of us achieving our dreams, or our full potential. It makes us do things we would've otherwise not done and it also keeps us from doing things that we want. The land of potential is a dangerous place to let our ego live. It'll stifle you. It'll silence you and eventually it will kill you. So, if you're one of those people are always finishing a sentence with "I would, but..." take a step back. Is that "but" real or is it something we've created to protect our ego? If it's the latter then tell your ego to take a back seat and change the direction. Start moving forward. Start having your ego pack-up its belongings and evict it from the Land of Potential. Potential is abstract. Doing is real. So, go out there, silence your ego and do it! Heck, even Pablo Picasso escaped the land of potential. Just because he was a classically trained painter didn't mean that he wanted to keep painting portraits and fruit bowls, nope. Instead, he tapped into all the creativity swirling around him and became one of the fathers of cubism and modern art. Now, unleash that fire inside and go create the next metaphorical Guernica!
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