This one may be a controversial topic, the act of Mansplaining. Before I dive into this story, let's define what is Mansplaining? As per Merriam-webster:
mansplain (verb)
man·splain | \ ˈman-ˌsplān \
mansplained; mansplainin
Definition of mansplain transitive + intransitive of a man : to explain something to a woman in a condescending way that assumes she has no knowledge about the topic
// My least favorite player was Donnie, who tried to mansplain Scrabble because he didn't recognize me and took me for a neophyte. — Roxane Gay
Many men mansplain without even thinking, without even realizing that they've literally just re-said exactly what I just said. This used to happen to me a decent amount in corporate. I'd be in that big meeting, surrounded by all male colleagues (hello tech world!) and I'd say something. I'd share my opinion. My thoughts and I believed what I had said was enough. The point had been made. What I had said had been heard, but then, there were times some of my male colleagues would feel the need to paraphrase what I had just stated. To be fair, not all my male co-workers were like this, but the ones that were, my GOD please help me!
The first few times this happened, I didn't think anything of it. Instead, I blamed myself. I started to wonder if maybe I wasn't explaining myself correctly. That maybe I wasn't honing in on what I was trying to say. That maybe, I was too colloquial. That maybe I needed to insert more business jargon to be heard. As I suffered from the "Good Girl" syndrome, I thought that I must've been the problem. Well, little did I know. I was wrong. So very, very wrong.
I had started to notice a pattern. Every time I spoke, this one male colleague (we'll call him Josh to preserve his image) would piggyback on what I had just said, even though he knew little about what was going on. If I said, "I think it's going to rain today." He would immediately say, "It looks cloudy out there, it's going to rain." This kept going on and on. Every time he'd do this, he chipped away at my confidence and a little drip of doubt would start to fill my confidence pool. Why did he keep doing this? I couldn't let this go on. I just didn't know how to deal with it or how to even approach the whole situation.
Finally, one day I had enough. I was leading a meeting and after making sure I had stated my point clearly and firmly, Josh interjects. I let him speak and then after he finishes, I say firmly,"Thanks Josh for iterating what I just said." It seemed as though time had frozen and we locked eyes. He stared at me, as though he just now realized what he had done. He was caught. I felt a sense of power. A sense that I had finally regained my power back. The power of my voice.
After the meeting, Josh pulls me aside and asks me if I'm okay. I assure him I'm just fine and I ask him why. He then proceeds to say that I seemed a little angry in the meeting and he was wondering if the pressure of leading the project was too much for me. WOW! The audacity. Why would he ask that? Was it simply because I finally grew my lady balls and called him out? I look him dead in the eyes and say, "No Josh. Everything is fine. I would just appreciate it if you stopped mansplaining." I smile and walked away. After that exchange, Josh never interrupted me or any of my female colleagues again in a meeting. On the contrary, Josh came and apologized and became one of my biggest allies.
The act of mansplaining is everywhere, not just in corporate. I thought that by starting my own business I wouldn't have to deal with those egotistic mansplainers again, but I was wrong.
I recently had the "pleasure" of running into a mansplainer disguised as a small business owner. He came to my store. To purchase my products. We had a nice exchange and began following each other on social media. I was considering reaching out to him to see if he'd want to partner and carry our products in his cafe, but then everything changed.
I had just launched a new product, Brigato (brigadeiro gelato) in our retail store and I had posted about it in our social media. I see a DM from him and naive me thinks it's a "congrats" or something along those lines. Nope. Instead he feels the need to highlight to me that maybe, just maybe I had posted something incorrectly. That instead of "Unicorn Meat" I meant "Unicorn meets..." I wasn't sure why: 1) he thought it was wrong 2) why he felt the need to DM me to tell me his thoughts and 3) why would he think I needed his unsolicited advice? I hate unsolicited advice, especially when it's just that, unsolicited. If he would've taken the same amount of time it took him to write me that DM to just do a quick search, he would've discovered that "Unicorn Meat" was and is intentional. Needless to say, I wont be partnering with him.
So, for all my male allies out there, keep being awesome! Keep supporting women in the workplace and don't be that guy! Don't mansplain. I understand that sometimes you might not even notice it, or you don't even know what you're doing is wrong. If you're not sure, then don't do it and if you did do it, then ask a lady friend what she thinks of the situation.
If you're not sure if you're mansplaining, here's a simple chart thanks to BBC to help you out:
For all my Renaissance Women out there, you don't have to stay quiet. You don't have to keep getting verbally overshadowed by those mansplainers. Instead, find the courage to speak up. Pull that mansplainer aside and ask him to stop. If they don't stop then publicly call them out. If that doesn't settle it, then escalate to your manager. If that still doesn't curb the mansplainer take it up to HR. Some may think it's petty and that it's not that big of a deal, but it IS a big deal. Don't let him poison your confidence pool. Don't let him take credit for your words. Stand up for YOU! I promise, you'll feel invincible afterwards!
We're not damsels in need of saving!
Comentários